5 Jobs Matt Klentak Should Be Reassigned To
It seems like forever ago when a young doe-eyed Matt Klentak was hired to replace the unpopular Ruben Amaro Jr. as the new general manager of the Phillies. Now, five years later, everyone in Philly has a great appreciation for Amaro. In the Phillies attempt to rebuild themselves back to October glory they added decent players and interesting managers, and they still sucked. The final nail in Klentak’s coffin was going under .500 and missing the MLB playoff tournament in the easiest possible season to make the playoffs.
The fact that Klentak wasn’t fired the minute the Phillies season ended is mercy. Instead what they let him did is practically charitable: Allow him to step down and be REASSIGNED to a new job within the Phillies. I’m sure Matt Klentak is a nice guy, a family man and knows some baseball, but he should be making mowing John Middleton’s lawn every week for being allowed to stay within the Phillies organization. So lets see what jobs he should be reassigned to:
Bat Boy
Ever since that time Dusty Baker’s son almost got ran over in the 2002 World Series the MLB’s bat boy can’t be, well, boys anymore. Klentak himself is still a baby compared to the average baseball executives, so if he starts over as a bat boy he could ascend back to a general manager role before he turns 55!
Bulls BBQ Caterer
Named after slugging Phillies legend Greg Luzinski, Bull’s BBQ has been a staple for Citizen’s Bank Park since it’s inauguration in 2004. Luzinski himself tends to hang around the place to sign autographs and take pictures. But whenever The Bull decides to take a day off, fans can still meet caterer Matt Klentak and deliver their Festivus rant to him. Hopefully no food is thrown.
Hall of Fame Club Museum Guide
When I’m 65 and retired (probably 85 in real life) I would love to be a guide at the Hall of Fame club in Citizens Bank Park curating the history of the Phillies and baseball itself. If Klentak cares about baseball history he can use this job to learn more about the game. Of course as he goes through Phillies history the only moment from his era he’ll get to talk about is Bryce’s grand slam against the Cubs.
Assistant to the Phillie Phanatic
The Phillie Phanatic is a busy creature. He has to ride around the field before every home game starts, walk around the stands during the 3rd inning, do is show on the field after the 5th inning, and then dance on the dug out during the 7th inning. Not to mention all of his public appearances and photoshoots he has to do. With an assistant the Phanatic will not have to endure as much stress as he’s had over the past forty years.
Phanatic Phun Zone Chaperone
Have you seen how fun the Phun Zone looks? It’s easy for kids bigger than the height limit try to get in and have fun. The place needs that one chaperone who has to turn away the kids who are too tall and thus inflict them the realization that a piece of their childhood is over. Might as well be Klentak!