Bears Propose A Merger With Eagles To Become The Chiladelphia Beagles
In an effort to save their season, the Chicago Bears have recently announced their decision to propose a merger with the Philadelphia Eagles to become the Chiladelphia Beagles.
Bears matriarch Virginia Halas McCaskey states:
“I’m tired of watching my team have a good defense and suck on offense over and over again, I think a merger with the Eagles would be a best-case scenario for both teams this season.”
McCaskey will be heading to Philadelphia this to talk with Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie this weekend as she leads a team featuring the likes of Barstool Big Cat, Mike Ditka, Bill Murray, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, Staley Da Bear, Dick Butkus, Good Morning Football Host Kay Adams, Petty Paige, and CM Punk.
She also continued saying why she decided to merge with the Eagles as opposed to other franchises:
“I like Carson Wentz, he knows how to throw a football in the cold, we also have familiarity with Alshon Jeffrey and Jordan Howard. As far as I know our fanbase probably don’t like the Eagles but don’t hate them like the Packers or Vikings. We may have lost to them in the playoffs in 2001 and 2018 but we kinda owed them one after the Fog Bowl, and we blame our kicker for the other loss.”
It’s no secret that the Bears are looking for a quick fix at quarterback after seeing Mitch Trubisky regress significantly this season. Trubisky, the same quarterback who Chicago traded up to draft 2nd overall in the 2017 draft while passing up on Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson, has made no comment on the news so far.
Despite Trubisky’s struggles, for a Bears quarterback he’s done well considering the Top 6 quarterbacks in team history are:
- Sid Luckman, who literally served during World War II.
- Jim McMahon, who did indeed mooned a plane before Super Bowl XX
- Jay Cutler, who is better at being the co-star of his wife’s reality show than being a quarterback
- NFC Champion and Super Bowl starting quarterback Rex Grossman
- Walter Payton, the best throwing running back in NFL history
- Mitch!
Speaking of World War II, it wouldn’t be the first the Eagles merged with another team. Due to a shortage of player serving in the biggest war of all-time, the Eagles and the Steelers combined to become the Steagles for the 1943 season, which happened to be the Birds first winning season in franchise history.
While Jeffrey Lurie has yet to provide a statement on the proposed merger, plenty of fans weighed in.
“We don’t need the Bears, the Bears need us! Eagles forever!” – Rob Dunphy aka Phanatic Belly tattoo guy
“It would be a disgrace, I never wanna do business with tha Bears afta that Fog Bowl no matta what! We shoulda won that game!” – Angelo Cataldi
“I’m not too crazy about it, but having Khalil Mack on my team is so tempting to think about. Not to mention Fletcher Cox looks like a literal bear sometimes.” – Bradley Cooper
With the Bears solid defense and struggling offense and the Eagles good offense with a struggling defense combined, the Chiladelphia Beagles could rise into the higher-ups in the NFC and get past the 49ers, Saints and Packers to the Super Bowl! Only lose in the most heart-breaking of fashion to the New England Patriots.