We need to have a heart to heart honesty hour after one of the most enormous wins I’ve ever seen by the Philadelphia 76ers. We need to get to the nitty gritty: Drake is the second most important person sitting courtside in Toronto for this series:
Alan Horwitz (and his ridiculous sign) is here to put the nation on notice that with Philadelphia on his back, WE WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.
Remember that scene in Ocean’s 13 where Matt Damon is trying to fake the Asian guy being a billionaire big shot? He’s selling it like, “he owns all of the air south of Beijing. Let me put it to you this way: try building something taller than three stories in the Tiangjin province, and see if his name comes up.” Except instead of Beijing, Alan owns all of the air in West Philadelphia.
He’s a legend. He isn’t a philly guy, he is Philly. And by God, if we are carried on the backs of Alan Horwitz and Jimmy Butler to the Eastern Conference Finals, that’s just the way I’m willing to die.
I’m a huge Dave Portnoy guy, but his distaste toward the Sixers superfan definitely stems from his Super Bowl LII related insecurity. The Eagles took one of his horcruxes that night, he won’t ever say a nice thing about Philly ever again. It makes the first win in Toronto for the Sixers since actual Raptors roamed the Earth all the more sweeter.
It’s kind of funny, Horwitz is living every Philadelphians dream of making a gazillion dollars and following the Sixers around. But, to the city of Toronto he will always just be “Sixers Sign Guy”. He’s the silent killer, much like what Joel Embiid had yesterday.
Here I was thinking Meek vs Drake was the biggest Philly vs Toronto beef there was ever going to be. Turns out, it is Drake vs Alan to see who can get more TV time at Raptors games in the Eastern Conference Semi’s.
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