Bryce and Kayla Harper Hate Philly So Much They’re Putting a Baby in it

Ask any military family or anyone who had to move place to place. Ask them what the first thing they do in a city they hate is. They’ll obviously say IMMEDIATELY make a human and raise it and all that.

The Phillies new right fielder, Bryce Harper, who has a pathetic 0.000 BABIP as of 4/1, did exactly that. He hates Philly so much that he and his wife, Kayla, said “Let’s build a god damn family in this shitty city since we hate it so much.”

Wrigley, the couples’ dog likely named after Harper’s desired destination, is reportedly LIVID with the Harpers’ decision to have a child.

https://twitter.com/kayyharper8/status/1112757249653596163

The whole situation is just a mess. You just hate to see a beautiful young couple who just came into some money and is TRAPPED in a hole like Philly have to miserably raise a person.

Bryce is putting on a happy face with Phanatic cleats, pregame bow, and other pandering antics and will probably name his child Howard Utley Rollins Schmidt Kalas Citizen’s Bank Pattison Broad Harper if I had to guess.

The child will certainly to go Malvern Prep and say “wooder” and know how to pronounce Schuykill and live off Sizzlis and hoagies but at what cost???

He’ll have to be part of this family that hates the city they live in so much that his dad signed a 13-year deal with no opt outs.

Such a shame to see this child and couple and dog have to go through this.

Thoughts and prayers to the Harpers in this trying time.