“Trent Thornton”: Sworn Enemy of the People

Here we are, laughing, living, and enjoying spring training. Nothing counts, we’re just having a good time and getting some reps in! Well don’t tell that to Trent Thornton, whoever the fuck that is.

That’s a $330 million dollar leg you just pegged you mother fucker! This isn’t the Sixers, where when you acquire a guy, they automatically get hurt. This is the Phils and this is Bryce, you are walking a fine line when you “unintentionally” smoke the ankle of our prized asset. Not sure if “Trent Thornton” listens to early 2000’s hip hop but 50 Cent has a great song called “I’m Supposed to Die Tonight”. I guess that was Thornton’s walk-up song today. 

Humble brag, I was at the game today, relaxing, living the life here in Clearwater. It’s been a rough trip. First, yesterday, I saw a cloud on the beach. What a drag. Now, I have to kill someone. What do bad things happen to good people? 

Quick question before I kill this guy: do I smile in my mugshot or no?

I guess this is the Phillies new rival despite barely ever playing the AL East. It’s like how the Sixers beef with the Thunder (Westbrook) and play each other approximately twice a year. 

I have tickets to the next two games. I know they will rest Harper now with a bone bruise (at the very least). Thanks “Trent Thornton” I didn’t know you existed before today and by 3pm you were already dead to me.

By Aidan Powers | March 15, 2019