BREAKING: Bryce Harper (has not) Signed With the Phillies (yet) and We Got Our Hopes Up Again for Nothing

Prepare for like 430 berating words from me because you’re all dumb dumbs that thought Bryce Harper would sign today and I don’t know how we fell for this yet again…

 

They put the tweet out that we should all be looking out today for something from them and then rumors start SWIRLING this morning about Harper potentially signing today. If you have no clue what I’m talking about then welcome back to the real world. I’ll assume you’ve been living under a rock for the last six months.

 

But here’s the tweet from yesterday anyway…

 

 

Credit to me for not falling for it and saying I knew it was going to be some bullshit, I just got what the bullshit would be wrong. See Here but also from my tweet

 

 

What these BOZOS over at The Show actually had us all in a tizzy for was this thing right here:

 

 

We got Rick Rolled by Big Sexy. Because of course that’s what they were going to do. If you believed for even a second this would be the time they ACTUALLY announce, then you’re absolutely insane.

 

To quote legendary musician and visionary business man, Ja Rule,

 

“It’s not fraud, it’s ummmmmm false advertising”

 

From a marketing stand point, The Show is really killing it though, and respect to them for that. But like I said yesterday, as a fan, it’s so draining to the point where I’m not believing any rumors anymore which is why I never got my hopes up about today being the day.

 

 

If you set your expectations as low as possible, you’ll never be disappointed. That’s basically how I look at sports all the time. Worked well for me this season with the Eagles …

 

But here we are again everyone. Duped by BH, Scott Boras, and The Show once again.  We’re all the kid who got bullied in 3rd grade because he thought “gullible” was written on the ceiling and that it sounds like “oranges” when you say it reallllllly slow.

 

The Show has been telling us it says “Harper to Philly” on the ceiling for months now and, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…. STOP BUYING IT EVERY TIME!!!!!

 

We’re all Jalen Mills biting on his 400th double move of the game. You sit on your couch screaming at players for getting beat by the hesi pull-up jimbo and then every time, The Show tweets you say, “THIS IS IT,” then go, “Duuuuhhhhh they pulled a trick on me.”

 

We’re all smarter than this, and, do me a favor, stop believing anything the internet tells you.

 

See you next time I have to make fun of you idiots for thinking The Show wasn’t talking about a fake cologne ad for Bartolo Colon…

By Vince Scian | January 29, 2019