Colangelo and His Stupid Collars are Gone so Let’s Throw Salt in the Wounds

Ding Dong the bitch is dead folks. He’s gone. He’s finally gone. Philly was facing some tough times this past week . We’re in the latter stages of Woodergate, Ben Simmons may have hooked up with a Kardashian (even though my girlfriend insists nothing happened), the President has beef with the Eagles, Jake Arrietta called out Phillies for their shoddy performance against The Giants, then they lost on a 2 strike 2 out walk-off salami to his former team thus erasing the 6-1 shit pumping from the night before. But they made the right decision and kept Jo over Colangelo.

Soooooo lets throw some salt on those wounds.

They’re not normal Bry-Bry, you look like a clown.

And here is exactly why.

The collars Colangelo wears are called “spread collar” shirts. When you button them like a grown up, the points look like they’ve been cut-off and slant at a 90-degree angle rather than the 60-degree angle of a standard collar. A very refined look. It’s been called the “hipster” look.

The spread collar, when buttoned, accomplishes a visual effect where it widens the face. It is recommended that people with elongated, angular faces wear these shirts.

Since Colangelo looks like he made Eve eat of the forbidden fruit, he MUST wear these collars.

Only issue is he wears them open because he’s your rich friend’s dad that loves to make fun of you at 12 years old for not knowing enough about the DOW and hits on the 15-year-old babysitter.

The collar spreads when opened and points straight up and down (you’ve all see the pictures) thus accomplishing the opposite effect. The collars now point down, like a standard collar, pulling the viewer’s eyes downward thus elongating the face.

And that’s how you end up looking like this.

So next time you’re crying over your mentions from people saying you look like Rango, Kaa the snake from the Jungle Book, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon (I’m particularly fond of this comparison)…