Phillies Blow Enormous Lead and Joel Embiid Literally Broke His Face; It’s Good to Have You Back Philly Sports

First, we had this:

And then, we had this:

Two tweets. Eleven minutes apart. The sports Gods saw us mocking the Vikings “SKOL” chant while celebrating Markelle Fultz’ return and thought, “Wow, those mother fuckers are having wayyyy too much fun”. So, in typical Philadelphia sports fashion, everything crashed and burned in such a twisted way, it would be impossible to use the creativity of the human mind to make it up. We are probably on a collision course with a “Carson Wentz has had a setback in his recovery” update from Dave Spadaro.

Let’s start here in chronological order here with the Phillies as today, Opening Day, was supposed to ring in a new era of BOLDNESS. After day one, let’s just say they have 161 more chances to not fuck this thing up.  Things started off well as the Phils got out to a big lead behind Rhys Hoskins and Cesar Hernandez. Then, after (only) 68 pitches from Aaron Nola, everything became unhinged in a hurry. Nola got pulled, the bullpen blew the lead, and then Hectar Neris gave up a three-run, walk-off home run in the bottom of the 9th:

Gabe Kapler is getting absolutely obliterated on the airwaves and on social media for his horrendous debut. To be fair to Kapler, he did warn us that he was going to rely on his bullpen early and often. I am more upset that the bullpen, who all had fresh arms, gave up eight runs in a little over three innings. Even so, Kapler calls the shots and every shot he called blew up in his face like a Wile E. Coyote plot to catch the Roadrunner. Therefore, Kapler will get all the blame. This was basically like if Chip Kelly came in on the Monday Night Football debut against the Redskins and his offense scored six points and had 14 three and outs.

Next, we have our beloved Joel Embiid. I am not sure if this is the correct form of poetic justice, but Markelle Fultz being back for a little over a game and then literally breaking our best player’s face has got to be something close to it. I knew when I saw that Keith Van Horn was part of the last Sixers starting lineup to win eight straight games that things were going way too well to continue at this positive rate.

I should be devastated, sad, and outraged. I should be curled in a corner, playing the highlight of Embiid dunking on Paul Millsap on a loop like Jimmy Fallon in Fever Pitch watching the Bill Buckner play. But, I can’t help but take this new Super Bowl Champion approach of positivity and believe that Embiid is walking out of the tunnel in the first round of the NBA Playoffs in an underdog mask against the Pacers, only to take it off and reveal another mask. I think all of Philadelphia is realizing that’s the moment we never knew we needed.

https://twitter.com/JoeyBnB/status/979367575019839489

On a serious note about the Sixers, they only have two playoff teams remaining on their schedule in the regular season. They should be able to tread water and stay afloat even without Joel Embiid. In November, December, maybe even January, this team would have absolutely crumbled given these circumstances. They have come so far and grown so much I have an irrational faith that everything will be peaches and cream until Embiid gets back. We are absolutely losing to the Hawks because of Ben Simmons’ PUBG comment, but we will be fine. As for Embiid, I find it hard to believe an orbital fracture is keeping him out of the Playoffs.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll just go watch the Super Bowl again to numb the pain. It’s good to have you back, Philly sports.

By Aidan Powers | March 29, 2018